birth_order.htm

Were you born to succeed, to be an entrepreneur, to be creative? Are you a "natural born" rebel, often seeking out "windmills" to challenge? Or are you a firm conservative?

A psychological—some say pseudo-philosophical—theory says that the order in which you were born in your family tends to determine how you perceive the world, how you interact with people, your sense of responsibility, your expectations, and other personality characteristics. According to the Birth Order Theory, these characteristics then determine the career you choose, the types of relationships you have, and what and how well you do in your adult life.

On the other hand...the Birth Order theory has been around for most of the 20th Century, since 1923. Much has been written on whether or not birth order has an effect on what you become and how you are as an adult. Regardless of your level of belief in Birth Order Theory, the characteristics and tendencies discussed below are general guidelines; exceptions do exist. The guidelines do not take into account cultural differences, environmental influences, and other subtleties that make each of us unique.

The oldest child

Is there an oldest child out there whose parents never said, "I don't care what your brother (or sister) did. You're the oldest. I expect more from you!"?

That sums up a lot of what oldest children are about—responsible, reliable, natural leaders and high achievers. First-borns usually are picky, precise, detail-oriented people, tending to be punctual and organized and have a desire to see things done right the first time. They don't like surprises, often make lists, and are serious, scholarly, and critical. Firstborns are used to being taken seriously—both by family and by the rest of the world. They don't take well to being discounted by anyone.

On the flip side, they also can be moody, bossy, pushy, perfectionistic, and overly responsible and critical. They may be people-pleasers and feel they always have to be right. They tend to set impossible goals for themselves and others, setting themselves up for failure. Oldest children also are not known for their sense of humor.

As far as business and career, firstborns tend to choose professions and businesses that require organization, precision, concentration, and mental discipline. Oldest children often choose science, medicine, law, engineering, accounting, bookkeeping, or jobs involving computers. As natural leaders, oldest children often rise to high positions of leadership in their careers—52% of United States Presidents have been oldest children and 21 of 23 astronauts were oldest children.

As a home-based business owner who is an oldest child, you probably work too many hours, are never satisfied with anything less than perfection, expect more from yourself and your business than anyone you know, and have multiple "irons in the fire." However, these same tendencies, as well as your sense of organization, willingness to work hard, patience, and attention to proven formulas of success, contribute strongly to the likelihood of success in your home-based business or whatever career you've chosen.

However, some suggestions to consider:

1.Take a little more time for yourself.

2.Work on saying, "No" more—cut back on "people-pleasing" and know your limits.

3.Lower your sights (and expectations) just a little. Do a little less and enjoy life more.

4. Enjoy your natural curiosity—don't apologize for wanting details or asking questions.

Try to develop a sense of humor—learn to laugh at your mistakes, as well as learn from them. Try to be accepting of the fact you're human and bound to fail once in a while.

The middle child

"I get no respect," is the often-heard lament of middle children. They learn early to negotiate and compromise, often refereeing squabbles between siblings.

Middle children are a study in contradiction. They may be the mediator of the family or the one who avoids conflict. They tend to be independent and extremely loyal to friends and supporters. They may be quiet and shy or friendly and outgoing. Middle children can be impatient or laid-back, competitive or easygoing. They can be the family "black sheep" or the peacemaker, but often feel like the family's "fifth wheels."

Middle children may have tried to compete as children with their older brother or sister and found they could not achieve on the same level. In response, many middle children will strike out in a completely different direction. This "branching off" is a powerful force in how middle children develop as adults.

On the other hand, middle children are less driven than firstborns and have more difficulty setting boundaries. Because they also tend to be people pleasers, they're not really good at making decisions that will offend others and tend to take the blame when others fail.

Starting a company or business from scratch appeals to the creativity of a middle child. They also do well in middle management, since they're used to rolling with the punches and usually are great listeners. They have excellent people and social skills that they can use and tend to be able to see both sides of a problem. Because they love radical ideas and concepts, when it comes to business, adults who were middle children should work on thinking things through.

For home-based business owners who are middle children, they may want to carefully develop and study a business plan or the ins and outs of a new product or project before committing their time, money and other resources.

Suggestions for middle children as adults:

1.Nurture your natural people skills and use them to see both sides, to deal with life as it is.

2. Express yourself - People will listen. Instead of apologizing for your opinions or not offering them, share your ideas and creativity.

3.Don't compare - you know well that there always are people who are above or below you in terms of ability, interest, appearance, etc.

Focus on meaningful relationships - don't spread yourself too thin. No one, not even you, can maintain an unlimited number of relationships and keep them meaningful. Consider taking the lead - No one says that only firstborns can be leaders. You understand the give and take needed to lead people

The youngest child

These are the charmers, the master manipulators. The youngest children tend to be affectionate, uncomplicated, carefree and, possibly, a little bit "out there." They often can be described as the outgoing risk takers and spontaneous.

Their lifelong competition for attention from their parents and fight to rise up from the "bottom" of the family, means youngest children will question authority, possess incredible ambition, and have a well-developed sense of humor. These people love to entertain and talk with other people. They make friends easily and have the knack of making people feel at home and at ease. They are often described as "the world's cheerleaders."

On the other hand, youngest children also can tend to be rebellious, critical, temperamental, spoiled, self-centered, and impatient. They tend to get quickly bored, can have a short attention span, and can have a strong fear of rejection. When the fun stops, they tend to be "outta here."

When it comes to business, youngest children are drawn to entertainment, the arts, and, of course, sales. Youngest children are born salespeople. Home-based business owners who grew up as youngest children tend to love the interaction with potential customers, making the contacts needed to promote their business, and have a knack for relating to all types of people and overcoming objections.

Some suggestions for youngest children are:

1.Accept responsibility for yourself - you're an adult now and on your own.

2.Think neat - get organized; clean up whatever messes may be lying around.

3.Don't be too independent - Ask for help, admit your faults, don't blame others.

4.Give of yourself - work on curing your tendency toward self-centeredness by offering help to others - quietly, without fanfare.

5.Remember your gifts - you're charming, funny, persuasive and you can use these to be successful at whatever your chosen business or career path.

The only child

"The little adult" describes the only child, much the same as firstborns. Only children are the complete focus of their parents' expectations and may feel that they never had a childhood. The characteristics of the firstborn also apply to only children—with "super" in front of each tendency—super-perfectionistic, super-reliable, etc.

The only child who becomes a perfectionist usually goes to one of two extremes. On one end, they can become very critical, cold-blooded, objective, and intolerant of mistakes or failure by themselves or others. On the other extreme, they may devote themselves to rescuing everyone, agonizing over others' problems, or moving in, taking over, and solving everything

To overcome becoming a "discouraged perfectionist, only children need to give themselves permission to be an imperfect human being, to accept others' imperfect behavior, and to take reality in small bites—one day, one moment, one step, one project at a time. Also, they need to quit putting down themselves and others and criticize less.

Only children do well in business as adults for the same reasons as firstborns—ambition, drive, attention to detail, organization. In addition, only children are very willing to learn new things and educate themselves, as well as being willing to grow as a person.

Some suggestions for adults who are only children—in addition to those suggested for oldest children:

1.Be careful with your time and commitments - don't make too many or expect too much.

2.Make time for yourself - it's all right to make some time just for you and recharge.

3.Choose friends wisely - you usually get along better with people who are much older or much younger. Get some time with both groups, because they're the ones with whom you click the most. Also, they'll argue with you less.

4.Do a self-inventory - As an only child, you've never had to share. Take an inventory of how self-centered you are and act like around others. Maybe come up with some ideas of what you can do to help others and criticize less.

Conclusion

Whatever your birth position in your family, realize that one position is no better than another. Each has its strengths and drawbacks. In fact, most everyone is a combination of characteristics from all the birth order positions. In addition, no one has only characteristics from one birth position or another. Being an oldest child—or a middle or youngest child—does not guarantee failure or success. The primary key to success in a home-based business is the same for everyone— hard work!

REFERENCES:

"Birth Order Helps Make Us Unique," Family Issues Facts, University of Maine Cooperative Extension, Bulletin #4359, http://www.umext.maine.edu/olinepubs/htmpubs/4359.htm

"Birth order factor and your personality: 8 facts that might surprise you," by Dr. Kevin Leman, excerpt from The Birth Order Connection, http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/famfri/family/articles/0,,163_559974-1,00.html

"The Business of Birth Order," by Donna Shyer, Forbes Magazine, Winter 2004, http://www.phoenix.edu/students/future/birth.htm

"Some 'born to rebel,' birth order book says," by Robin Estrin, Associated Press, Lincoln Journal Star, pg 5J, November 24, 1996

Patricia C. Dinslage is a freelance writer and staff writer for IAHBE. Her career has included work in several fields of business, education and government, including a stint as a business reporter for a daily newspaper. She has college degrees in bothjournalism and economics